Shouldering through an eager crowd of migrating filler and sequined tank tops, I knew that there was really no telling when Madonna would arrive for her Tribeca Film Festival premiere of Confessions II – The Film. The screening and talkback with Jimmy Fallon was originally scheduled to start at 8 p.m. at the Beacon Theatre, but just hours earlier the screening time was pushed back to 9 p.m — the habitually late Madge was already behind schedule. But no bother. Who wouldn’t wait for Madonna?
At this point, waiting is a key part of any Madonna experience — it builds suspense, it makes the event feel earned, it signifies gravitas. So I was prepared to wait, but there was one part of the waiting that I wasn’t prepared for: bins upon bins of Yondr pouches to lock away our phones. Yes, in true Phoebe Bridgers-fashion, this event would (understandably) lock up the audience’s phones to keep the unreleased film unreleased. Sealing away phones means secrets can be kept, theater actors get to be comfortable being naked on stage, and the audience is forced to be respectful and present — but the problem is, I don’t want to be fully present while I’m waiting for hours for the show to begin. Time goes by so slowly for those who wait.
And wait we did. As the theater very slowly began to fill up, the only thing to do was look around at the Madonna fans around me. I wondered who was making vodka sodas across Manhattan if every single gay club’s bartender was in this building tonight. I saw a woman drop a Peanut M&M between her two breast implants. There was what looked to be a Gay Talese lookalike contest happening at the foot of the stage. Was this a fever dream of some sort? Was Madonna holding me hostage or had I died? Refuge came in the form of Debi Mazar, as it always does, who I spotted holding court from her orchestra seat, greeting constituents in a dark green bra under a white mesh top, her bob unmistakable.
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